Email to the dungheads at ASDA

I just tried to buy some t-shirts from you online – you emailed me.

It took a long time to plough through the inappropriate items.

Although I clicked on menswear it took me to women's clothes and I had to navigate to menswear – the site fell over twice.

When finally I found an item I wanted, £2 t-shirts, I was disappointed that only 2 were available.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps these were bin ends and I could use an “adjacent” size.

This proved to be the case, but it would have been helpful if that had been made clear; you know, if you had communicated.

All sorts of problems followed – being asked to select when there was nothing to select when there was only one datum– but eventually I worked out what you were trying to say.

I had forgotten my password.

When I went to “forgotten your password”, it asked me for my email even though I had already typed that in – use of a simple variable would have dealt with that.

When I went back to the order, I was confused for some time until I realised that your system had reset all my “collect in store” to “home delivery” without me asking.

When I came to select my store, the system offered a map which completely covered the store selection page and it took a long time for me to outwit the automatic idiot you offer in order to make the selection.

I typed in my details – I remembered the extra security code you demanded; and then it said:

We're really sorry, an unexpected technical error occurred and your order could't be submitted. To place your order, please call our customer service team on 0800 952 3003

20 – 25 minutes wasted by your abuse of the invention of the internet and incompetence

I think the technical error is your selection of foolish and ignorant program designers and coders; and your thoughtless unwillingness to see the point of view of the user. I do not have a phone with me. I am not near a phone. If I had wanted to phone, I would have phoned.

I can almost imagine the anodyne, evasive, cynical nonsense you will send back; so I am going to put this email on the web as well. It is all I can do.

You really believe, I am sure, that you are doing a good job. You are wrong.

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Dungy reply:

Thanks for taking the time to contact us.

Your feedback is important to us, as it allows us to keep improving our products and
services to ensure we are getting it right.

We aim to respond to all emails within 2-3 working days.

Regards,
Asda Customer Services