Friday, 27 April 2012

Loose Score for Cafe Nero

Neglect various children around a public space. The children should be noisy – let them drop things loudly and vocalise – and the parents should ignore them until the children make an unbearable noise. Unpredictable piercing screams are best.

Occasionally  the parents should utter the sound ssshhh and look delighted. The more the children scream, the more delighted the parents should be, verging on worship.

As people object, they should retort “These are children! All children make a noise.”

If anyone disagrees, the parents should become aggressive and ask “Are you saying I don't raise my children properly?”

Just as it might seem that someone will become violent, a dog should start barking.

Now enter the lead vocalist, who says, without being invited “It's all right, I certainly don't mind”

The dog should be encouraged to howl, perhaps by being kicked by a child who should be made to scream piercingly perhaps by being threatened by the dog

All smile and say how nice it is

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