Untitled

Flies on my skin.
Rich on my world.

Email to Mike Brown of Transport for London

Dear Mr Brown

THIS IS A LETTER FOR MIKE BROWN HIMSELF AND I WOULD LIKE A REPLY FROM HIM

Had you limited yourself to sending me a note informing me of the ASLEF strike, while I might have tutted at your unsatisfactory level of literacy, that would have been that. I would have been grateful for your assessment of the likely disruption.

However, you went on to say

“This Trade Union is making scandalous demands. Staff have already been paid to work on Boxing Day and I cannot spend your money paying them again for this.”

I did not sign up to this email service for you to abuse it by sending me such unhelpful and apparently misleading statements.

I found what you said offensive so I went to the ASLEF website to see what they had to say.

They say: “Last year [TfL management – you] said they would begin talks ‘in the first quarter of the year’. They did not open discussions until a few weeks ago. "

Is this true?

I would be surprised if they would make such a statement if it were not substantially true. (As opposed, for instance, to the lie of omission of which I suspect you) If it is true, then you have failed to mention something rather importantly relevant. You have lied. So please do clarify that point. I want to know if a man in your position, paid with my money, is a liar.

ASLEF say: “And at those discussions [TfL] offered precisely nothing. They have put forward no proposals. Every initiative has come from the union side – and been rejected.”

What do you say to that Mr Brown?

They say: “What we are asking for is not complex. We want a volunteer service on Boxing Day with those working getting more than flat time. An enhancement for this day will ensure members will be able to swap duties with someone who wishes to work.”

What about that?

And what about the following? “We have also offered to join a Joint Working Party to look at other Bank Holidays and service levels required for the future. Management has sat on its hands and offered nothing constructive to resolve this dispute, which is why we will take action on Boxing Day. It is because of their failure.”

That's an awful lot you have failed to tell us.

It makes your email to me rather scandalous, to use your word. You seem to be trying to substitute calumny for negotiation. What do you say?

Lawrence Upton

In the agora

Man with laptop: Excuse me, would you mind turning the sound on your phone down or using headphones?

Man with mobile phone: What?

Man with laptop: I said, would you mind turning the sound on your phone down or using headphones?

Man with mobile phone: Why should I? What's it to you?

Man with laptop: It's disturbing me.

Man with mobile phone: No it isn't.

Man with laptop: It's very loud and it's disturbing me.

Man with a mobile phone: No it isn't. How could it be? I can hardly hear it myself. I have turned it down as much as I am going to.

Man with laptop: Perhaps you have damaged your hearing. Please turn it down. It's disturbing me.

Man with a mobile phone: It can't be. Fuck off.

Man with a laptop: Why would I lie?

Man with a mobile phone: Maybe you're a cunt.

Man with a laptop: So you refuse to stop behaving antisocially?

Man with a mobile phone: Fuck off, cunt.

Man with a laptop: Well, it's very kind of you to share your music with me. I'd like you to hear some of mine. I'll just point the speaker at you so you can hear it. It's really very quiet. You'll have to listen cartefully.

Man with a mobile phone: Jesus Christ! You trying to deafen me? What's that crap? That's just noise. Turn it down.

Man with a laptop: No, Sir. Why should I? You can't hear it.

Man with a mobile phone: Do want me to hit you?

Man with a laptop: Grow up.

Man with a mobile phone: Fuck off! Fuck off! {exit],

Birdsong and human speech

There's a bit in one of the volumes of Hitchhiker's Guide where Arthur Dent learns to understand birdsong but is disappointed that it is all about wind speeds and the location of berries

I have been sitting in the midst of Saturday conversations...

Human speech is mostly about money and shopping and how stupid other people are

Maybe a few avians are interesting

Excellence

When the Prime Minister says that Maria Miller has given excellent answers to inquiries into her expenses, he is not saying that he thinks she is telling the truth. That question did not occur to either of them, I am sure.

Opera

Opera has crashed three times today.
Perhaps if it were left to be a browser instead of part of a plan for world domination it wouldnt do that
A few minutes have passed and now gmail is wobbly. Same comments.
Ooops, it said, gmail encountered a problem.
Indeed

Watch Higher Education go down the pan

One of my colleagues works at a well-regarded university. They were part of a whistle-blowing on a senior member of staff behaving illegally and have found themselves threatened with disciplinary action.

Another colleague has been disciplined by their college for having taken time off, with agreement, as they have for many years, to carry out duties related to their teaching.

A third colleague tells me that they do not know how to complete all the tutorials required of them and that they have been told their career will be adversely affected if they do not also follow a teacher training course without any remission of hours – this third is an excellent teacher, I can personally attest, and no one has criticised their teaching: it is just nonsense dreamt up by those with management responsibility and no spine to stand up to senior management with no ideas.

Join me in watching Higher Education going down the pan

Perfidious Albion

While we are considering the case of the late Mr Litvinenko, now admitted to be an MI6 employee, we may reflect upon how little we know about the state involvement in the death of Pat Finucane and the government's evident alarm that the truth should be known. But clearly the economic situation is not as bad as all that and clearly there is no justification for all the cuts because we can pay two million pounds to avoid the public knowing about our rendition of Mr al Saadi to the Gaddafi regime. It all makes me proud to be British.

But on what basis do our politicians condemn Basher Assad for attacking his own people. There seems to be a question of degree, but no more. We are, after all, all pawns in the great nuclear stand off which the fools who claim to govern us delude themselves has kept the peace

I just signed in. Blogger accepted my login and then told me I do not have a blog. This is, I take it, a continuation of its automated warfare against my use of an email it does not own.

I logged in with Firefox and here we are.

But slowly, slowly, they get better at tying us down.

I stumbled on a website called grammerly. It is software to make writing betterer; so I gave it an 8 line poem I added to my work in progress this morning.

It found that my writing is original, but also found 13 critical issues, whatever that means, 5 concerning my sentence structure, which need correcting; and found that in one case I had chosen the wrong word. Score 41 out of a hundred – weak, needs revision. It offered me a free trial. I didn't know bad grammar was illegal. Vacuum help us all.

So I gave it my latest essay, about 5000 words, which the editor who accepted it for book publication called truly wonderful. Ha! What did he know. I have 28 critical writing issues

Grammarly detected unoriginal text. That's probably one of the quotations. It detected a spelling error. That's probably because I am writing in English.

I have 1 issue with adjectives and adverbs, says the software called grammarly; and 1 issue with faulty parallelelism (!) and 1 issue with a confusing modifier. That it thinks adds up to 11

I thought 1 + 1 + 1 = 3; so my arithmetic may be faulty as well.

I have 5 issues with punctuation within a sentence. My other punctuation must be ok.

I have 7 issues with writing style and 3 with vocabulary

It wants to change 48 words where I have made a bad choice in its opinion.

I scored 49 out of 100 although this report is far more damning than the first one.

This is software in the spirit of the electorate: views of things it has no interest in understanding and a faith in technology that is more touched than touching.

Recycling the pod people

There was a lot of fuss recently because a council didn't want members of UKIP adopting children. I think that's the way of it.

Yet they also said that they would ensure the children were raised in the religion of their parents. Why?

I think they were on the right track with the initial idea; but they didn't go far enough.

I can't see how anyone prepared to support UKIP is fit to raise a child. And as children are quite likely (but not of course certain) to follow their parents' beliefs, it becomes quite important to consider stopping whole classes of people from reproducing themselves.

A certain knowledge that they will not be able to keep their children would be a start. That should reduce the numbers considerably, especially if they still have to pay the costs.

They'll squeal about human rights; but it should be quite easy to demonstrate that the overwhelming fact which invalidates the call.

UKIP of course are more misguided, albeit dangerously, than pernicious; that honour belongs with the Conservative Party. We must, as a race, stop them reproducing before they swamp humanity.

There is no population explosion of humanity; only a population explosion of idiots who look like humans.

The Tories clearly see things from a similar perspective and are anxious to demolish all chance of productive labour by the remaining humans.

But who are they?

They are not human; that is certain. Some kind of interstellar virus perhaps. Let's just call them pod people.

In most places where the public gather, they carry out frequent sound tests - alarms, shrill bells and the like – and monitor the result. Most people take no notice; but that does not worry the monitors because they know that those people are not people; and they find that comforting.

It is those who look up, pained by the sound, that interest them. They watch us on cctv, noting with satisfaction that every day there are fewer of us.

We must resist these creatures. They do make mistakes. The pod person pretending to be Chancellor of the Exchequer demonstrably might as well be selling ice cream ffrom a van for all that he know what is expected of him; and he maintains a more smiley face than Kate Blanchette. I don't know about her; but he is clearly artificially.

You see, for all their cunning and ruthlessness, they are not that bright.

Because they go to so much trouble to look superficially like us, it is easy to see them as evil; but you might as well be angry with a bug. We need government action – though there is a small problem in that direction at present – to put them to sleep humanely. It is more kindly than their policy of humiliation; and our pets will have some fine meals until we are finished.

Hoaxers2

What is noticeable about the Australian hoaxers is that their primary aim seems to be to firefight the shit they are in. Saying they are sorry is part of that.

No one could have foreseen that someone would commit suicide, they say. Well, perhaps. I suspect that to them her response is incomprehensible; but then they seem to have no substance.

I see that they have offered 320000 pounds to the family. Hardly likely to cover loss of earnings for the projected rest of her working life, unless like good capitalists they count on her not earning much. And then there is the loss of her to her children, her spouse and the other members of the family. And that is just dealing with compensation.

Everyone hoaxes, says one of the slimes; but he doesn't say what, if any, conclusion he draws from that.

A manager accuses the British media of being unbalanced. Perhaps they are. I am sure they are. But what does he mean? Possibly that a story is only balanced if you attack someone else as well; that it is not fair to pick on the person responsible.

So stupid, he can't even understand the concept of fairness.

What about the hospital, he asks. What about them? Sometimes people who commit petty theft say “Shouldn't have left your stuff lying around, should you?”

The male hoaxer tells us that he is feeling bad all the time. I see. Compare that with the victim who no longer feels anything. But he is thinking of the surviving relatives, is he? Well, so he should.He seems to have few concerns. He tells us he has people paid by the company to decide his action for him.
It was unfair to compare him to cancer yesterday; diseases make their own decisions. Lower than cancer.

A few days ago another human being came running around the corner and crashed into me in the street. Instead of apologising, he cursed me. I told him what I thought of him too and he seemed to understand; but only to the point of arguing “Well I didn't know you were there, did I?”

There is more to the conversation; but it's equally stupid. You don't bother arguing with your vomit when you are ill, so I shan't bother you with that selfish creature.

The whole thing comes down to childishness, I think. Two little children in a childish company providing entertainment for presumably childish people. What they have to say comes down to “But I wanted to!” now qualified to “It's all horrible and I am really upset”

I hope deeply never to be forced to face up to all the unintentional hurt I have caused or turned a blind eye to; but I can just about admit that I have done it.

hoaxers of humanity

The hoax by the Australian 2day radio programme illustrates a number of fashionable idiocies.

The company has been reported to have said repeatedly that no laws were broken. Apart from the possibility that is not true, it is only a part of the main point which is to do with honesty.

It has been said no one could have foreseen the outcome... I suppose they thought it would be ok if they just humiliated someone.

The claim that the company tried to contact the people they had tricked, suggests such a shallow view of correct behaviour that I imagine them responding to anger with “lighten up” or some such nonsense.

What kind of defence is it to say that you tried to contact someone if you then fail and go ahead anyway? Even if I believe them, and I am inclined not to, they seem to regard ethics as optional.

What kind of shallow nonsense is their programme that they think it worthwhile making such a foolish and intrusive call?

Is this what we do with international telecommunications? We have enabled worse than senseless things to take the piss out of the world when they probably hardly understand it. The points of view of cancer cells.

And then one of them says he is gutted.

He can't even express sorrow without using a poor cliché.Nor has he attempted to gut himself; so he is not feeling the consequences of his action as strongly as his victim. Hyperbole and lies.

No wonder they did not foresee that someone would take their responsibilities so seriously as the dead nurse appears to have done. They are without any substance, just morning trumpets in front of microphones.

Not that British commercial radio is better. It may or may not be different but I can never stand to listen to it for very long because of its inanity.

I turned my radio away from Radios 3 and 4 at one point over the weekend, a rare occasion when one or the other did not please me, and got some fool on LBC who repeatedly corrected himself as he tried to multiply 50 by 10, couldn't believe the answer he imagined but finally settled for it because he couldn't see what else it could be. He thought the answer is 5000.

I turned the radio off before I heard what it was he was trying to conclude. I suspect that any inquiry about anything would be beyond his capacity to complete.

The private sector, eh?

Baby parrot diease link to Toxoplasmosis

New information on the psitacosis variant epidemic which is turning our children into noisy parrots.

Non-invasive observation of family groups suggests it is flowing from the mothers to the babies. (It was known that psitacpsis is related to chlamydia, but not that humans might be the carriers of the new infection. A full report will appear shortly in Nature Caffe Nero.)

I want to suggest that there is a likelihood of a connection to Toxoplasmosis or of a process similar to the effects of that disease.

Toxoplasmosis, spread in feline faeces, apparently induces wrecklessness of behaviour, usually in mice, but perhaps even in humans. The latter is rarely noted beyond the lunacy of some people with fast cars who kill themselves, rather than becoming careless prey, because of the contemporary lack of large felines able to take advantage of human suicidal tendences.

But in my Caffe Nero studies, facilitated by the greed of that company who choose never to turn away anyone with money no matter how antisocially they behave, I have noted a tendency among mothers to be delighted whenever their children make awful noises, and more delighted the more awful the sounds become. Now these noises have developed evolutionarily to be unbearable to humans; so the sudden delight in hearing them suggests morbidity.

Attempts to reason with the infected leads nowhere, they look up with glazed but angry eyes and scream such irrelevancies as “It's a baby” and “What am I supposed to do”, behaviour already legitimised by the outmanouevring by power groups of the threat democracy might have posed to them. It remains to be demonstrated if this is a function of the disease or is merely a learned self-defence mechanism.

This is not some sf story such as entertained an earlier generation, like “War of the worlds”, but a real and present threat to our potential tranquility inflicted on us by us. I say to everyone, not watch the skies, but watch the baby carriers.

William Hague 2

I was ignorant when I wrote of the Hague virus yesterday. During the evening I caught up on reading Tuesday's newspaper and went through Wednesday's.
The Palestinians are not allowed pre-conditions by Messrs Hague and Clinton set theirs. They have to undertake not to pursue Israel for war crimes.
I recall an Israel supporter telling me that Israelis ( he said "Jews") cannot commit war crimes. When I asked why he said that they just can't.
Well, there is a case to answer and apparently the freedom loving Conservative Party thinks it legimitate to try to organise things so that Palestine cannot bring that case against its occupiers

William Hague sets a pre-condition for UK government support (he terms it "UK support" but he does not represent me) for the Palestinian request for upgraded status at the UN. The pre-condition is, inter alia, that they may not have any preconditions. He says this is because he supports them but does not want to risk the peace process.

The hypocritical smear of runny shit.

What peace process? Permanently Occupied Palestine, aka Israel, makes plenty of preconditions

Cougar Elinux

I just had a message to a colleague bounce.

He'd said he was having trouble.

But this email from Mailer-Daemon@cougar.elinuxservers.com says that he has exceeded his mailbox quota. That could explain a few things.

I noticed though that it also says “Spam detection software, running on the system "cougar.elinuxservers.com", has  identified this incoming email as possible spam.” and this would seem to be a message that was in the process of being sent to my colleague when the bounce cut in.

I went to their website and found that the sender is listed as “low trust”. Whether that applies to my mail provider or to me is unclear; they are writing in jargon to people who do not know their usage so they earn a few ignorance points there.

I went to their website and found that “low trust” in their private language is the default for most systems.

So someone is being paid to monitor mail for spam and their method is to say that any particular message is probably spam because most email is.

There was nothing in the message to suspect spam. They quoted it and drew attention to nothing. It was all based on origin, which a machine looks up in a list, a list written by a machine devised by a dog turd in a suit.

I think the people taking the profit have earned the right to wear the I am a frequent wanker t-shirt

Well done Cougar Elinux

BBC Bias

Newsday BBC World Service early today included an interview with a young Palestinian blogger in Gaza. She was telling them what it is like to live in Gaza. They interrupted her and asked: Yes, but what is it like? She said: I am telling you. And continued.

They interrupted her and asked if she supported Hamas.

She said it isn't that simple and continued.

They interrupted her and said: No, say yes or no.

She said it isnt that simple and continued.

They interrupted her and said: I can't understand you. Answer yes or no.

She continued.

They interrupted her and said: I am sorry we have run out of time.

The diction and phrasing of what she said were for sure familiar; but she wasn't programmed. She knew what she was saying and clearly understood what they were doing.

She was no more programmed than the official Israeli spokespersons who are left to practice their reasonable men accents on us at length.

This is how the Nazis did it, I believe.

One of the spokespersons said: Israelis just want to live normal lives

Like the settlers in America who are portrayed as muttering “murdering redskins” when their repro Euro lives were disrupted by dispossessed Americans.

In fact some of those films might be a rehearsal for the fib of a 2 state solution.

One of the Israeli Reasonable Men yesterday always referred to his people as Israelis, which is appropriate because they could give Jewish people a bad name. But whenever he spoke about Israelis being hurt, he referred to them as Jewish.

And so it continues. Maybe Jim'll fix it.

There doesn't appear to be any complaint system clearly displayed.

Gas and stupidity

It has been suggested that traders have been manipulating the price of gas; and the government says that it is worried. Didn't they know?
I knew that from nothing and I know nothing about it.
We are being ripped off.
I assumed the government knew. If they really did not then they have no business being the government.
I am put in mind of a quote I learned a few minutes ago, attributed to J S Mill: Conservatives are not necessarily stupid; but stupid people tend to be conservatives.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning we shall go bang

I was quite deeply in blanking thought today, sitting in silence with others, and no one had spoken for 30 minutes; I was as good as nowhere and hardly aware and aware

and then a crash
and I was somewhere
full of questions and nonsense

an explosion

I thought it was a big firework
and began to reconsider my fellow bipeds as buffoons

and then I realised it must be some kind of remembrance day thing

two minutes later the same thing again
i hadnt even regained my composure

how odd it is that the death of so many people for no defensible reason should be marked by the firing of a big gun

Odd value sets

Things are the wrong way up.

Lawed McAlpine will have the world know that he is not a paedophile; and Mr Messham would seem to corroborate this by saying that he, Messham, made a mistake.

But McAlpine does not deny that he has been the Treasurer of The Conservative Party.In the light of that it strikes me as odd that he should express any concern about his reputation.

In USA Mr Petraeus resigns because it has been discovered that he's had a sexual relations with someone other than his wife. Sounds highly correct of him.

But he has resigned as Head of CIA. He doesn't apologise for that.

The United States Election

It would have been quite interesting to have a Mormon running much of the world. Mormons are lovely people. They are white and roundish, with large snouts. They are carefree and adventurous and live in their house in Mormon Valley.

Mormon Pappa is father of the family, but boyish and adventurous. He likes to be present when something unusual happens. He is philosophical at times and likes writing his memoirs.

Mormon Mamma is the calm and efficient mother, who takes care that Mormon House is a safe place to be. She wants everyone to be happy, appreciates individuality, but settles things when someone is wronged. She always brings good food as well as whatever else may be necessary on a journey in her handbag.

But they have elected Bollocks O'Blimey instead. Probably won't make any difference.

Urgent correction

I am so sorry. I have mixed up Moomin and Mormons. The Book of Mormon was written by Joseph Smith. The Moomins and the Great Flood was written by Tove Jansson and was meant to be funny. But Bollocks O'Blimey is still president of everything, even Mormonpappa says so.

Terminating Nadine Dorries

I am pleased that Nadine Dorries has agreed to join my campaign for post-natal termination. She is even taking time off work to be filmed. She will be sucked from the womb of the House of Commons by the promise of  money and publicity and deposited in a bucket of a place, all on film.

She has already described herself as a conduit. She's using most of the right words; but, unfortunately, not in the right order. Much of what she said recently isn't quite what I wanted. I regard the poor thing as frightfully muddled.

I do hope that when people see her, no more, they will understand my reasons forwanting to put unwanted human beings out of our misery.

Tombstone

I have heard bits of the reading on Radio 4 of “Tombstone” by Yang Jishen. This morning's broadcast spoke of the imposition of communal kitchens and then their closure.

Household kitchens were abolished. Vegetable gardens too. Even kitchen tools removed.

36 million people starved.

Any historical account is subject to later revision and Yang is a journalist rather than an hisorian.

But he seems to be of some substance, working for Xinhua in Beijing for decades and latterly a Fellow of Hong Kong University. He was until recently still in Beijing; but his book is banned there.

One had heard much of this aspect of the Great Leap Forward already.My assumption is that, from my point of view, one who is not going to use the time to study the period of the Chinese Famine – this hearing may be all I give to it – the account is substantially true.

As I heard it, I was imagining all the people who will latch on to it and say there you are – “Communism” or “Authoritarianism” or even “Chinese” followed by “what do you expect?”

But what I heard was a rather extreme example of something that is all too common. I have likened it to playing chess when you only know the rules of draughts. Actually, that may be too kind. It may be playing chess when you only know the rules to scrabble.

In practice the thinking which leads to all sorts of cock ups assumes that everything is more or less as good as it can get; but maybe a few things can be improved if we go about it slowly and someone else takes responsibility. (The analysis is that of fools.) Yet the only proof that is accepted is catastrophic failure. The infection of our ash trees is an example. Instead of saying “This is dangerous to our trees” the government (and the previous government) has said “Perhaps it will be all right”. (As I say, fools.)

A couple of examples that occur to me almost arbitrarily. First Great Western have an arbitrary policy of not selling tickets more than 12 weeks before departure. Ask them why and they give all sorts of reasons without managing to make it sound less than improvised. There may be changes to the schedule, they say. Well, yes, there are all sorts of changes now. Yes, they say, but after 12 weeks it would be worse. 

So, is 12 weeks optimal?

What do you mean?

Tell them that National Express will take bookings way ahead and they say “Well that's National Express” but never specify what the difference is. And so on.

They also stop a long time at Plymouth on the way to Penzance overnight. There is no reason. It used to be to tie in with the post office. Now it's because they have always done that. There would need to be changes to schedules and shifts, but nothing that could not be negotiated and organised. So the journey is much longer than it needs to be.

Where I live even a small change to the furniture of the street or the cabling or piping takes weeks because of the way they have taylorised the work force. Inquire into this and sooner or later someone will say something including the words “I suppose”. No one actually knows what the benefits are. They are deemed to be there.

It is a question of obedience. True obedience does not wait to be told, it sniffs out and second guesses what is to be obeyed and what others might like to be obeyed. Every religion and every political system, in so far as there is a difference, relies upon obedience.

Obedience then is a fundamental characteristic of the good citizen. The good citizen does not question too much. That is interpreted as not thinking too much.

So the apparatchik, whether they work for FGW or the Chinese Peoples' Republic, starts with an idea it is acceptable to hold and follows it like a sniffer dog to its logical extreme.

If you have ever been interviewed by a doctoral student you may have experienced this. Many of them start from assumptions that have a basis in some text somewhere but which anyone who knows the subject would find laughable. Challenge them and they will retaliate with their reference. In terms of the criteria for assessment under which they operate, that is fine; but in terms of good science it is not very reliable.

I have in the past summed it up: a dunghead has what they think is an idea and all their dunghead friends tell them it is a good idea.

This is the point at which a meme is to be distinguished from a me me.

In the case of China, Yang suggests that the family was seen as a source of “rightist” resistance and the family meal the centre of family life. Right then says the dunghead with power, we'll abolish family meals. Well, to do that, we must abolish cooking, and to do that we must abolish the family kitchen. This meant that the production of food increased greatly.

Yes, it has achieved the original (insane) response to “rightism” but it has consequences which are unintended. That they are unintended hardly exonerates anyone. Only a culpable fool does not consider the consequences of their actions.

In China, there were very few places you could buy food. There were fewer places producing food.

As things went wrong, instead of saying they were going wrong, they accused people of deviationist tendencies. They made it worse.

One of the earliest offices I worked in was completely revamped while I was there. One of my colleagues found it difficult to work at his new desk because it was right-handed and he was left-handed. They wouldn't let him have a left-handed desk because that wasn't in the plan. 

When it was said originally that the plan should be adhered to, no one intended that a left-handed man should work at a right-handed desk. They didn't even consider the possibility. 

In some cultures they might have given him therapy to make him right-handed I suppose. A past lover of mine told me she was hit with a ruler when she was a child because she used her left hand... She still writes with her left hand...

But the original ruling really meant: this is a good way to do things; do stick with it. Any sane person would have gone back to the base ideas of the plan; but what dungheads do, and dungheads predominate, is look for rules.

Instead of saying What do we want to achieve? Dungheads ask What problems must we solve?

Fungal emotions

Thinking about the fungus affecting ash trees, I have been wondering if there are other fungi affecting our lives adversely.

In particular, I wonder if there is a fungus which makes otherwise rational people who do not even seem to like children, except as some kind of animated toy, desire strongly to become parents.

It could explain a lot.

Yesterday I was in Moribunds Supermarket when I heard the cockatiel screech of an uncontrolled child. Or so I thought.

I am so sick of the noise I tried to ignore it, but the sound grew louder and presently two young but exhausted people came towards me pushing an elaborate armoured vehicle, a baroque perambulator, from which came a chorus of avian sounds.

I looked in and saw the little face; but it was a bird's face; and just under the covers there were feathers and a wing horribly crushed in an attempt to hide it, I believe.

What are you doing? I shouted. You have a bird there. You'll hurt it. What are you doing?

They began to say shsh, a sound that would-be proud parents often make.

Don't shush me, I began, so cross that they were dressing up a bird as a baby.

Please, Sir, said the man. PLEASE. Please don't tell on us. We so want a baby.

Well, have a baby, I said; but don't confine a wild creature

We can't have a baby, he said. She muttered the same thing.

Adopt one, then, I said. I keep hearing how there is a shortage of foster parents. If you actually like the things, apply.

It takes too long, she said.

Yes, he said. We can't wait. We want to be normal. And this sounds like a baby.

What do you mean by normal? I asked

Normal, he said. Like everybody else. We want to be normal.

I called the RSPCA and they were taken away, screaming they would kill me for being heartless and intolerant of basic human desires.

Beetle juice

Many years ago now I wrote several drafts of a short story which I never took to completion. In it, an Iraqi scientist goes in to see Saddam Hussein and announces that he has almost perfected the ultimate weapon and can he have some funding to finish.

This was long long before the dodgy dossier etc

He calls his invention beetle juice, from a substance supposedly in common beetles. I had been watching stag beetles making their way across a garden, clambering over each other when necessary. It occurred to me that it was quite odd from a human point of view although probably quite reasonable from the beetle's point of view.

But sticking with that sense of oddity, one might envisage some bodily fluid which does something or other the insect needs but has an odd side effect of taking away its sense of space.

So, says the scientist, to Strong Man Hussein, I have made some of this stuff in the laboratory. It affects humans in much the same way as it affects beetles, but with the further effect that because some human beings are more self-aware than stag beetles, it has great potential for starting fights. And the effect is irreversible. One sniff and your sociability is trashed for life.

I had some fun with the story, or began to; because, as I say, I didn't finish; and I had them debating how to trash the west and evaluating different approaches. The scientist, who was trying to be funded, persuaded the big cheese that one should take the long view and not be in too much hurry to defeat a member of NATO because that might bring its own problems. Let me atomise a few litres of this stuff in the air of London,e said; and within ten years the whole country will disintegrate.

I only mention it because I am wondering if there isn't something in the idea; and someone has done it.

.

Ash trees

So now we are to lose our ash trees, even though the people who put themselves in charge knew it was coming. I heard some minister or other – all Tories blur into one for me on the radio (or into a few apparent breeds when you can actually see them) on the radio yesterday insisting that all was being done as quickly possible because... a ban would come into effect today

They didn't say well the Labour Party didn't do anything either, which would have been true but irrelevant, because they weren't admitting that there was any avoidable problem.

But one found out, as this and that was said over the day, that the government (Labour and from 2010 Tory / Libdem) was asked to act some time in 2009. So we're probably looking at three years for this disease to get hold during which well-paid liars played with themselves.

At some point – I think it was today's Farming programme – I heard that we couldn't have done anything because of the EU. The Farming journalists tend to be a little more alert than the political and this one asked if that was the case. He coughed in murmured reply and said he thought so, but he couldn't say for sure.

Fiddling with themselves for three years.

Fashionable Idiocy Handjob Maestro of the Month announced

On 7^th October 2012, I awarded J. McDonald of j.mcdonold@gmx.com my Handjob Maestro of the week. This was for sending me information I did not want and had not asked for, the content of which of which suggested to me that onanism is the sender's main mental process. I was left to unsubscribe. Well, this faecal excrescence has sent me much the same crap again to the same email address, the email address from which I unsubscribed. I have unsubscribed again and notice that the best this vermin offers is “You should not receive any further email.” He still doesn't seem to be able to spell his own surname He quotes at the end of his email “When angry count to ten; when very angry, swear.” I shall award him my Handjob Maestro of the Month

Government spending

Mr Cameron is accused to divulging figures which have been given him in confidence and thereby manipulating the markets.I'm glad that he realises they have to be manipulated.

I am glad too that he realises the importance of spending money to stimulate the economy. We threw away billions on sport in the Olympics but he is happy to take the credit for the anti-recessionary effect of that spending.

He could now authorise a similar expenditure on the arts and improve the economy even further. He could build houses and not airports.

We don't need green fields built on but the industrial wastelands dealt with, just as we did for the Olympics. Housing and Art. That'll start the economy.

& introducing a proper population policy for the rich as well as those on benefits will take pressure off the taxes in the long term.

Chatter

You probably know the joke. In case you don't, I'll tell you the version I have.

God calls Adam to him.

“Yes,” says Adam, in a surly fashion.

“I've got an upgrade for you.”

“Another one? It's nothing but upgrades.”

“Ah,” says God, “but this one's a major upgrade.”

“Oh joy,” says Adam.

“Yes,” says God, “its marketing name is the thought and sex experience. I am going to give you the most powerful brain of any creature. No more simple reactions to your environment. That just makes you grumpy, as we have seen. Now you can interact with and change your experience.” Adam grunts. “And I am going to give you what we call private parts. No more splitting in two to make offspring. We're rolling it out across a range of species – but only you get the brain too. Now you'll be able to reproduce and keep all your memories. You'll be the same person.”

“What's so good about that?” asks Adam.

“You'll see.”

“I suppose I must.”

“There's only one thing.... There's a slight technical hitch. We're working on it, of course; but for now you can only think OR have sex. You can't do the two together. Now go to sleep...”

That joke occurred to me this morning as I was walking down the high street trying to avoid people on mobile phones.

I thought of language being invented overnight: and God said “Let there be language”

How astonishing that would be.

How astonishing would that be?

There's the Emerson quote about the stars appearing once in millennia.

You know we'd get used to it.

I looked at people clasping the little boxes to their ears and chattering away and wondered how much had been achieved by all that communication

more on wix

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and so fast it could have been done by human hand

so you cannot unsub

it is a lie

wix com

Wix com just sent me an advert email about their products

They tell me I can unsub if I wish to

But I never subscribed

I have complained rudely

It will be interesting to see if they reply and to see how self-righteous they are

Me, me

A "meme" is a bit of cultural zeitgeist trapped in the form of bits and pixels, passed along via Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. says the BBC News magazine in Washington, reported on the BBC website.

Well, no it isn't.

What the post-literate lady is describing is a fashionable idiocy. What she is telling us is what she and perhaps her accomplices in damaging the language think it means.

I'd want the word "idea" in any definition, and I mean more than a passing concatenation of imitated words that make up what we might call her Consciousness Experience.

Mind you, I suppose if your meme is to talk bollocks then her definition works

(Earlier on today I read elsewhere that Travelling is an important part of the Travelling Experience.)

Notice too the use of "zeitgeist".

And when is the zeitgeist not cultural?

the appearance of investigative journalism

An item on R4 Todas programme on the establishment of the Israeli Ariel university on Palestinian territory – that's the Palestinian territory that the world acknowledges is Palestinian - brought variations on a theme.

In a rather elegant non sequitur, someone they'd found to defend Error Israel, there are plenty willing, started at the complaint and came out towards the end of his sentence asking how anyone could suggest that Jewish people are not associated with the area.

The interviewer did not ask him what the hell he was talking about,;probably too scared he'd be accused of being in favour of the holocaust

and another... in my own words “Why are people complaining about what we do in the occupied territories when they should be complaining about what is happening in Syria?”

The interviewer did not say that we care about that too but that maybe the problem in Syria is the same as the problem in Palestine – a few people making exceptionalist racist claims

If he had, there might have been a scream: you see! everyone hates us

and so it continues.

*

and later Lord Freud – just say that to yourself (Lord... Freud...) and feel the absurdity in your veins

Lord Freud assured as or seemed to that transitional arrangements for malingerers like the disabled would just go on and on

That's why they're called transitional I suppose

But of course the interviewer didn't ask about that

I mean, he is a Lord

*

I wonder how Jimmy Savile got away with it

Child abuse

What a gift Jimmy Savile has been to people who want to change the subject or find an excuse to attack the BBC

Clive Anderson put it rather well. I don't have his exact words, but the broad gist was what a pity it is that we do not have a press willing to invade people's privacy and find out what is really going on

I am very doubtful indeed about a lot of the horror being expressed and a lot of the concern about the well-being of young people.

Lots of people who would never dream of putting their hands up a girl's skirt will teach her all sorts of nonsense in the name of education and in pursuit of cheaply bought labour

A conversation in the agora

NARRATOR: We have a man here in this cafe who is a researcher for a University. He has been without his email for a month because the university has upgraded his email. It seems to him that no one will criticise the I T department. This annoys him.

He has just received an email to his personal account from the I T Dept which tells him that they have added information to his job number and gives him a link to click. As the link requires that he have an up to date email account, it will not work. This annoys him.

He emails them and tells them that this same thing happened three weeks ago.

They write back and say they are sorry but the reason they cannot reconnect him is because they are waiting for a component. They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.

He emails them and asks: What component is it that singles out one user?

They write back and say that the reason they cannot reconnect him is because they do not know why they disconnected him. When they have found that out, then they should be able to reconnect him. They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.

He writes back and says that is is quite clear how the situation has arisen: they have not followed good practice. He expands upon this in detail.

Through all this time a child has been screaming. He is near to the man. He is a boy of two years old at the most and he is making the maximum noise possible. His mother is sipping a coffee placidly. His grandmother is reading a magazine.

All around people are making faces at each other. One says: You can't do anything can you?

 MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You two are being very selfish. Please keep your child quiet.

NARRATOR: The mother looks at the man contemptuously and goes back to her coffee. The child screams.

The university write back and say that the reason that they cannot reconnect him is because there are ambiguities in their database which they do not understand. When they have resolved that.... They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.

After some minutes, the man without email loses his temper

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Shut the noise

MAN WITH NEWSPAPER IN FRONT OF HIS FACE: Hear! Hear!

NARRATOR: The man without email says to the university that they should have checked the database before using it and not after. (He does not actually believe their story but suspects they will get genuinely upset if he says so; and he has no idea how to deal with such shallow and baseless upset.) He asks for his account to be restored.

Child screams.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Shut up!

MOTHER: All children make a noise

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Some parents teach them to be quiet or take them away from others

MOTHER: He's not bothering you. No one else cares.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: He is bothering me. That man cares but he may be scared to say so. Most of us care but you take advantage of our politeness

MOTHER: He's a child. You're an adult; act it.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You too are an adult. Take your responsibility as an adult.

MOTHER: You have grey hair. You should know better. It's nothing to do with you.

NARRATOR Child screams.

The university ask the man without email for his user name. They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: It's everything to do with me.

MOTHER: You only think that because you have a laptop.

NARRATOR Child screams.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: What?!

MOTHER: You think you're clever; but you're not. You're stupid. You think: I've got a laptop so you must all do as I say.

NARRATOR: The man without email points out that he gave the university his account data a month ago. He repeats it.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You're a fool.

NARRATOR Child screams.

MAN WITH CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You're out of order mate. You can't speak to a woman like that.

NARRATOR The university I T experts say that they cannot reconnect the man without email until tomorrow after an overnight process has run. They add a link for further information which does not work.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Oh I see. You think women should have special treatment do you?

MAN WITH CLOSE CROPPED HAIRC: Yes.

NARRATOR Around him his attendants nod agreement

Child screams.

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: Anyone. All of us

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Madam, will you keep that child quiet or at least quieter?

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You're a cunt

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: That's your best word for me is it?

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You are one

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: So much for your concern for women

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: What you mean?

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You're sexist. As sexist as she is selfish

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: She's right. You do think you're clever. Listen mate you're talking shit and you're a wanker and you're a cunt

NARRATOR Woman and mother and screaming child leave, child still screaming

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You've driven them out.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: I'm glad they've gone if they can't keep quiet

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You're arrogant you cunt

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: In what way?

MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: There's no point in talking to you (exeunt)

NARRATOR The man without university email asks why the university didn't run the overnight process a month ago. After a few minutes, by way of reply, they apologise for any inconvenience. They add a link for further information.

WAITRESS: It's quieter now.

MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Sorry about that

WAITRESS: No, you're right. People have no right behaving like that; but we're not allowed to do anything

Last night in Moribunds

I have to say that the Tories have been as good as their word.

I was in Moribunds Super Market in Sutton last night and there were a woman and a man really taking their time packing at a payment gate; and then they took their time having a scratch – I tell the truth – and then took their time finding their credit cards; and the longer they took the more funny they thought it was.

And suddenly Theresa May, the unattractive but rather dominant Home Secretary, appeared.

Who would have thought that she would visit us? And in Moribunds?

I suppose it's their refit. They've cleared out all the last century food furniture and moved everything around to wake up our hunter gatherer instincts. They've lowered the temperature so that the throughput to their cafe is speeded up. And they have made it very very bright. So much light! They can see us; we can see the goodies. It is exciting. Market Street dominates, of course. Much better than a real Market Street.

It's very modern and she would want to be associated with that.

Ms May screamed: “This woman and this man are antisocial. Punish them.” Her guardian policeperson leapt forward and pistol whipped them.

“What have we done?” screamed the woman.

“You,” said Ms May, as if she were struggling to control herself, “have wasted time; and time is the essence of money-making; and money-making is the essence of life.”

“Yes,” said the man. “I see that now. The woman tempted me. Please forgive me. Forgive us.”
And I saw that to Ms May's left, and one or two steps back, there was God the Father, watching approvingly and in conversation with Rupert Murdoch.

“Leave this supermarket!” cried the Home Secretary. “Never return here. It is too good for you. All your days you will shop in Asda and struggle to find bargains such as you have become used to. And never dare to get in the way of the ordinary decent people whose time you have wasted.”

And they crawled away to to fresh deals and offers new.

Artificial intelligence

I just got my personalised shopping recommendations from Amazon
A sweatshirt for 64 pounds
A Nespresso machine
Jake and the Neverland Pirates Yoho Let's Go Talking Figure
Slendertone Abs Female Abdominal Toning Belt
A camera of lower quality than the one they recently sold me
A watch 12 times the price of the one they last sold me
An amusing DVD
Another amusing DVD
Seiko Oxford Crossword Solver
A Digital Drum Kit
A poorly specced laptop

The Tories talk sense

I regret to say it.

I feel odd saying it.

But there has been a lot of sense talked by the Tories this week.

Why should people on benefits get money when they have another child while people not on benefits have to think about it? it was asked.

I'm not sure it's that simple; nor is the question really a population policy. But it's a start.

And then Theresa May has promised us that when people behave antisocially towards us, we may choose how they are punished.

I look forward standing beneath the High St crosses of screaming neglectful parents, saying ssshhh, sssssh, what is the matter with you? sssshhh, well I'm going home then.

And David Cameron has extended the notion of what is violent to include the kind of understanding I have always had e.g. Capitalism is violent. He will allow us to use violence whenever anyone invades our space and our privacy.

This is incredibly brave of him. He keeps invading me. It's a truly Damascene conversion. I propose not to take advantage and suggest that we only inflict violence on people who try to steal from us from, say, tomorrow morning. And only to deter, of course.

I hope he means it because lies invade me and are violent acts.

It couldn't be kept up, of course, and now he's talking complete bollocks about aspiration and rising again. I'm afraid that people will believe it; and that can only lead to violent acts like denying me support for my art and charging too much for the things I need.

Cafe blog

A little while ago, the excellent Steve Hanson emailed me: “I take much cathartic strength from your café blogs. They tell me that I'm human for feeling the same way and not dysfunctional for refusing to get gang raped quietly in those places, by their light jazz music, and their acceptance of amnesiac oblivion and a refusal to acknowledge the other as the default human setting...”

I'm probably more tolerant of the café itself than he. I am most inclined to hate a certain strand of clientèle which seems to gain a sense of entitlement from having children, when it is probably a sign that they're too stupid to practice contraception. I'd say the evidence is at least 50:50.

We have had in here just now 5 children simultaneously turning into cockatiels. The first one to do it today was so unwarranted there was no warning and so shrill that I shouted Shut up before I thought about it.

That is blasphemy.

It has been suggested that some common ancestor of the various human species at present roaming the urban wastes of the planet one day looked at a waterfall or a leaking gutter or some such, felt awe and so had the first religious experience. That may be so but it's a slightly different meaning of the root word, laid claim to by the believers amongst us.

Religion started the first time someone wanted to be told what to do. Eric Mottram caught it rather well in a poem many years ago when he pictured those who wake in the middle of the night screaming “I need a judge”.

Religion itself comes down to a set of behavioural axioms dressed up.

So we're looking at something that the domestic dog manages: anticipating what behaviour is acceptable to dim humans and trying not to cause trouble.

So much is raised to the level of the sacred, mostly to avoid having to face up to and consider contradictions.

So when I blasphemed today people looked at me all round the cafe, more with disbelief and dismay than disapproval. It was: look at the weirdo. Look at the one who isn't like us.

After some minutes I was challenged verbally, though I had said nothing else, presumably by those who feared we were now in trouble as a race and couldn't stand the suspense; and to those who wanted to listen, I put my case. The staff paid no attention. Mine was one more egotistical scream to them.

I disputed that all children make a lot of noise all the time without warning; and when one of the asbos shouted Are you saying I am not bringing up my children properly, I said yes. This was clearly an unexpected answer. She didn't respond.

I referred to the group which had been in here earlier and had included the child in what they were doing and had no noisy difficulties.

They didn't know about that, said some mothers. No, I said, but they were still here; and some here saw them. There were reluctant nods.

All this time brats were running up and down, choosing the time and place for their tantrums as they trained their parents.

Could I do any better? I was asked and I said that I would be happy to discuss this if they wouldn't mind conceding it is irrelevant. People DO manage; I do not bring children into the cafe.

And on and on.

Oh yes, that last brought: I don't know what you're talking about.

It wasn't true. It was a lie to avoid the point.

I did get through a little to one, seemingly; and she kept saying sshhh to her child. This was clearly unprecedented and the kid took her on with considerable skill and understanding of tactics. Once away from the cafe the routine will return to normal, I am sure.

Someone said I had a point but we all to live together, don't we. I said I saw no sign of such tolerance from the other side – I neglected to tell you about the brief political speech about democratic rights which the antisocials had tried to make.

Sorry: rites.

That's a bit unfair, he said.

In what way? I asked

I don't know, he said

Two other of the 5 young mothers were in a frenzy apparently that anyone should speak to them in such terms and banged around and eventually banged out, lathering the children's emotions into a younger frenzy as they went.

We're not all so bloody perfect as you, screamed one of the two. (Oh Lord I am a sinner and I'd like 27 other cases taken into account. Oh good, now I am free of sin again)

And everyone of these people has the vote.

Jimmy Saville

About time the BBC apologised for Jimmy Saville, quite apart from his sexual exploits, but I am struck by the vehemence of some attacks. The baying of the self-justifying ignorant mob as well as the righteous condemnation.

Ignoring the pronouncements of the can't-think-won't-thinks, I've been trying to get my head back to when I started work, late 60s, early 70s. I worked in a big office and it was almost entirely male.

I remember declining one day, late teens, to look at a dirty picture (which might make me sound more correct or virtuous than I was or am) and being told: Why not? We don't want any poofs here.

A woman dj remarked a few days ago that when she objected to being groped she was asked Why not? Are you a lesbian?

I think we were all, males anyway, pretty repulsive.

Men making decisions. Women in the typing pool.

But the intensity of condemnation intrigues me. Something is happening here and I don't know what it is.

The death of Gideon Osborne

I've forgotten what I was going to write. I had a number of processes running with my gmail account open and this website came up with no way in. I had to wait till the processes ended and then log out of gmail; and now blogger opens.
Did someone say _restrictive practices_?
Oh yes, I know
As Joe Worker was going home from the UK Trade Fair and Labour Struggle he met the pedlar Gideon. Gideon said _Hallo Joe. How are you?_
Joe said _Do I know you?__ and Gideon said _Course you do. I'm One Nation Gideon, friend to the workers. You've got a lot of paper there. It must be heavy."
Joe said _I don't mind. It's my workers' rights_
_Oh poo,_ said Gideon, _I've got something much better. THIS piece of paper, it's called a loyalty card, entitles you to a handful of coffee beans. That'll make you rich immediately._
_What's the catch?_ asked Joe
_No catch_ said Gideon. _You give me your employment rights and I'll give you the loyalty card_
Joe thought about it for a while in what some might think was a slow way and then he said _Fuck off_ and Gideon boiled away in a rage until there was nothing left but a small malignant tumour in a puddle of vomit.

A letter floods in

As a radio programme used to say, a letter has flooded in. 2 actually. Emails. From people who do not engage with this blog but who are apparently interested in what I write. (I send out copies) One came and I left it. Now another...

The first asks why when I am so able to express myself elegantly (their word) and fluently do I write here vulgarly, obscenely, aggressively etc. Why do I keep referring to bodily fluids and masturbation.

Good questions.

I have trouble with a lot of words of abuse because they are sexist.

Masturbation seems to me a useful metaphor. It is the individual seeking their own satisfaction to the exclusion of all else.

My friend, the late Alaric Sumner, used to ask me why I used wanker as a term of abuse. Wanking was, he said, a wonderful thing to do. Sometimes he would add that it is the safest form of sex. He'd had more than his share of grief from lovers so it may be that, when he said that, he was meaning more than sexual transmission of disease.

I agree with all that and I accept that I indulge a little in self-loathing when I use the term. It's taken me a while to see that.

And yet, if you have ever had the odd fortune to be around someone bringing themselves off as part of an activity which does not include you, then you will know the odd view it can give you of humanity.

From there (and other directions) it is not far to a perception of bombast and rhetoric as a kind of private pleasure.

Then there is a more abstract approach whereby I have referred to Onan as the father of modern administration. Now a bible reader of my past acquaintance has taken me to task quite vigorously for equating what Onan did with masturbation.

It is, colloquially, how the name is used; and, as I understand it, from Jehovah's point of view, it was much the same in one way – personal pleasure before what we should be doing.

Calling someone an onanist has another advantage in that they may not recognise the word and one has a chance of shouting it and running for the door before they respond, perhaps violently.

All over the country millions of employees are saying How may I help you? as a part of procedural acts which have no chance of being any help. Managers are responding to what they call issues, because of course there are no problems, which will not work.

I am tired of mentioning noisy children, and I bet you are fed up with it, but that's because there are so many of them. There is one here now. It is SCREAMING. The adults with it are making it worse because of their behaviour. They are damaging the child. They are spoiling this space for everyone else with their insouciant selfishness.

The cafe does nothing because they come in to spend money. The rest of us suffer.

Most persuade themselves they don't mind because they have been trained to fear the kind of anger I feel.

Quite where these arrogant inanities get their sense of entitlement from, I do not know; and I would happily see them postnatally recycled; but they are quite clearly, in the language community in which I grew up, wankers; just like those with the authority in the cafe management, in the lawmakers

As to shit. I do understand. But we are given shit to do, to eat, to think.

I take the point as a stylistic problem. If that's all I say, it is boring.

I'll think about it.

Handjob Maestro of the Week

This week's Handjob Maestro of the Week goes to J L McDonald of j.mcdonold@gmx.com who offered me a quote Free Webinar! unquote
McDonald of McDonold asks: Is getting to the top of Google searches important to you? Do you
know where your company ranks on Google, Yahoo, and/or Bing?
and then without giving me a chance to answer says: If so, I believe that you, and your company, may benefit from training on Google/SEO.
He wants me to improve my Google ranking with 10 proven free tools.
I suppose google ranking in mockney rhyming slang.
He sends me his Best regards. Him and his belief
gave this bipedal dog turd no reason that I would be interested in his belief.

He sent his invitation to a temporary email used for the convenience of those whom I am editing for a particular project. He sent it to no other. It is possibly the least likely email address that I have. It cannot benefit from google ranking or any other solitary pastime.

Therefore it seems only right to award M of M the Handjob Maestro. He has already received the traditional greeting for anyone in the running for this prestigious prize: go and have sex with yourself Why not write to MoM yourself and wish him luck – he's all on his own there

The case for post natal abortion

I suppose that, if you are one of the rare creatures who survives the abortionist's bucket, and survives to adulthood, it isn't beyond imagination that you would have negative feelings about the process.

The more so, if you achieve high office even when it is known that such office is only achieved by brown nosing, arse licking and bull shitting. The Brown Studies, as we used to call them.

I do feel for Jeremy Hunt. To know that you were not wanted. To know that you were deliberately sent for disposal down a vacumm tube. It doesn't bear thinking about by the empathetic.

But, as I am sure thebiggest and most famous Hunt in the country would agree, sympathy must be combined with toughness when there are difficult decisions to be made.

The Hunt has damaged the arts severely and now he is going on to damage Health. That's worse. There are and perhaps always will be many bucket escapees in the Arts. The Arts do need to devour themselves a little but. Perhaps a lot. They need to be unreliable to some extent if only because the cheats and liars are so good at dissemblance. If the rules were too strict, the Arts would be become bureaucratised, as they are to a considerable extent already, and the unskilled unintelligent but persuasive curators would take over. So the only way for good curators and genuinely and interesting artists is to turn a blind eye to the occasional turd floating near the beach.

But Health must be as good as it can get. Everyone except those designated for what I might call Post Natal Abortion must be given the best treatment.

And the opinions of a half-broken foetus are not to be influential.

I don't care what his opinions are. I want arguments. And I don't want arguments based on a belief after death, personal creation -- creation of any kind -- et cetera until those are themselves proven. Saying It's my religious belief is nearly always a synonym for saying I'm a nutter.

By all means let us help those with learning difficulties. Jeremy Hunt is a case in point. Let him have the very best care for the rest of his life. But the idea that he should be able to reproduce or influence others is ridiculous. The man is not mentally viable.

The time is not right for reduction in the laws; but for their increase and strengthening. Post natal abortion is needed. All those with self-inflicted disability must be contained or preferably silenced but only under the law. They are a plague; and mine is really a modest proposal.

We do not need more babies. We do not need more fools. We do not need more opinions.