Misheard announcement

The 9:02 to Epsom Downs has been delayed by 17 minutes due to a fault on the train. As you know, our maintenance system is second to some and that’s why trains are breaking down and the doors jamming. It makes a good profit though and commercial decisions trump your convenience. There’s nothing anyone can do, so I wouldn’t bother complaining. We’ll tire you out. We have teams of idiots who talk balderdash without effort and they deal with all complaints. Senior management doesn’t give a toss. It’ll probably be longer than 17 minutes actually, but 17 sounds good, rather serious, worthy of some words of apparent explanation, but not actually that bad. We’ll let you know when we have a new estimate. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for travelling with Southern. Fuck off.