Monday, 16 July 2012

My new roof-mounted missiles

My roof mounted missiles arrived this morning. They were in place and tested in no time; and I must say that the installers were both very knowledgeable and very friendly. I shall always recommend MoD. I was happy to pose with them, expressing my delight by laughing and throwing my arms in the air.

I was a little unsure about the wisdom of the idea at first. Their argument, however, was rather convincing (“Well, they’ve got them in East London”) and they let me have a ground-to-ground system and "local aim and fire control" if I didn’t make any fuss; and they'd turn a blind eye to what they called proportionate response to such things as loud music and burglar alarms that are left for a long time.

They will consider replacing any missiles used free or at cost if I can demonstrate that I have lowered demands on the state – e.g. by taking out members of the sick or unemployed.

We tested one at MoD expense on the fat unfriendly ginger tom on the other side of the street. It never saw it coming. Fur everywhere, burning; and all bodily fluids vapourised before they landed. That’s security

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