NARRATOR: We have a man here in this cafe who is a researcher for a University. He has been without his email for a month because the university has upgraded his email. It seems to him that no one will criticise the I T department. This annoys him.
He has just received an email to his personal account from the I T Dept which tells him that they have added information to his job number and gives him a link to click. As the link requires that he have an up to date email account, it will not work. This annoys him.
He emails them and tells them that this same thing happened three weeks ago.
They write back and say they are sorry but the reason they cannot reconnect him is because they are waiting for a component. They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.
He emails them and asks: What component is it that singles out one user?
They write back and say that the reason they cannot reconnect him is because they do not know why they disconnected him. When they have found that out, then they should be able to reconnect him. They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.
He writes back and says that is is quite clear how the situation has arisen: they have not followed good practice. He expands upon this in detail.
Through all this time a child has been screaming. He is near to the man. He is a boy of two years old at the most and he is making the maximum noise possible. His mother is sipping a coffee placidly. His grandmother is reading a magazine.
All around people are making faces at each other. One says: You can't do anything can you?
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You two are being very selfish. Please keep your child quiet.
NARRATOR: The mother looks at the man contemptuously and goes back to her coffee. The child screams.
The university write back and say that the reason that they cannot reconnect him is because there are ambiguities in their database which they do not understand. When they have resolved that.... They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.
After some minutes, the man without email loses his temper
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Shut the noise
MAN WITH NEWSPAPER IN FRONT OF HIS FACE: Hear! Hear!
NARRATOR: The man without email says to the university that they should have checked the database before using it and not after. (He does not actually believe their story but suspects they will get genuinely upset if he says so; and he has no idea how to deal with such shallow and baseless upset.) He asks for his account to be restored.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Shut up!
MOTHER: All children make a noise
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Some parents teach them to be quiet or take them away from others
MOTHER: He's not bothering you. No one else cares.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: He is bothering me. That man cares but he may be scared to say so. Most of us care but you take advantage of our politeness
MOTHER: He's a child. You're an adult; act it.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You too are an adult. Take your responsibility as an adult.
MOTHER: You have grey hair. You should know better. It's nothing to do with you.
NARRATOR Child screams.
The university ask the man without email for his user name. They add a link for further information which does not work. This annoys him.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: It's everything to do with me.
MOTHER: You only think that because you have a laptop.
NARRATOR Child screams.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: What?!
MOTHER: You think you're clever; but you're not. You're stupid. You think: I've got a laptop so you must all do as I say.
NARRATOR: The man without email points out that he gave the university his account data a month ago. He repeats it.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You're a fool.
NARRATOR Child screams.
MAN WITH CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You're out of order mate. You can't speak to a woman like that.
NARRATOR The university I T experts say that they cannot reconnect the man without email until tomorrow after an overnight process has run. They add a link for further information which does not work.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Oh I see. You think women should have special treatment do you?
MAN WITH CLOSE CROPPED HAIRC: Yes.
NARRATOR Around him his attendants nod agreement
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: Anyone. All of us
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Madam, will you keep that child quiet or at least quieter?
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You're a cunt
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: That's your best word for me is it?
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You are one
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: So much for your concern for women
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: What you mean?
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: You're sexist. As sexist as she is selfish
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: She's right. You do think you're clever. Listen mate you're talking shit and you're a wanker and you're a cunt
NARRATOR Woman and mother and screaming child leave, child still screaming
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You've driven them out.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: I'm glad they've gone if they can't keep quiet
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: You're arrogant you cunt
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: In what way?
MAN WITHOUT CLOSE CROPPED HAIR: There's no point in talking to you (exeunt)
NARRATOR The man without university email asks why the university didn't run the overnight process a month ago. After a few minutes, by way of reply, they apologise for any inconvenience. They add a link for further information.
WAITRESS: It's quieter now.
MAN WITHOUT EMAIL: Sorry about that
WAITRESS: No, you're right. People have no right behaving like that; but we're not allowed to do anything