Thursday, 11 October 2012

Last night in Moribunds

I have to say that the Tories have been as good as their word.

I was in Moribunds Super Market in Sutton last night and there were a woman and a man really taking their time packing at a payment gate; and then they took their time having a scratch – I tell the truth – and then took their time finding their credit cards; and the longer they took the more funny they thought it was.

And suddenly Theresa May, the unattractive but rather dominant Home Secretary, appeared.

Who would have thought that she would visit us? And in Moribunds?

I suppose it's their refit. They've cleared out all the last century food furniture and moved everything around to wake up our hunter gatherer instincts. They've lowered the temperature so that the throughput to their cafe is speeded up. And they have made it very very bright. So much light! They can see us; we can see the goodies. It is exciting. Market Street dominates, of course. Much better than a real Market Street.

It's very modern and she would want to be associated with that.

Ms May screamed: “This woman and this man are antisocial. Punish them.” Her guardian policeperson leapt forward and pistol whipped them.

“What have we done?” screamed the woman.

“You,” said Ms May, as if she were struggling to control herself, “have wasted time; and time is the essence of money-making; and money-making is the essence of life.”

“Yes,” said the man. “I see that now. The woman tempted me. Please forgive me. Forgive us.”
And I saw that to Ms May's left, and one or two steps back, there was God the Father, watching approvingly and in conversation with Rupert Murdoch.

“Leave this supermarket!” cried the Home Secretary. “Never return here. It is too good for you. All your days you will shop in Asda and struggle to find bargains such as you have become used to. And never dare to get in the way of the ordinary decent people whose time you have wasted.”

And they crawled away to to fresh deals and offers new.

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